How Do You Mother Yourself?

This week, I’ve been tearing through an advanced copy of Awake, an upcoming memoir by Jen Hatmaker (September 23rd) about waking up one night and hearing her husband on the phone, whispering sweet nothings to someone else. That’s page one. The rest of the book follows what happens next, and it’s a wild ride.

But here’s the part I want to share today: during therapy, Jen’s fretting about her children, when her therapist suggests, “Why don’t you spend some energy mothering yourself?” When Jen feels confused — after all, she’s constantly checking things off her to-do list — her therapist asks, “Jen, what would a good mother do here?”

Suddenly, the answer is clear: “Tell me to drink more water and quit Facebook stalking,” she answers.

Over the next few weeks, Jen leans into this idea of caring for herself, “not like a teacher assigning benchmarks, not like a preacher dictating behaviors, not like a coach hyping the play call…but like a mother taking care of her beloved’s little heart and body and feelings as if they matter more than the work rate.”

How beautiful is that?

During hard times, how do you parent yourself? Put yourself to bed early? Watch a comfort movie? Reach out to loved ones? Sometimes, if I’m lying in bed and beating myself up for something I wish I’d done differently — say, a work assignment or interaction with my kids — I’ll tell myself the simple phrase: “I’m learning.” To me, it’s a relief to acknowledge that I don’t do everything perfectly, I make mistakes, and that’s okay! We’re all works in progress; the best we can hope and strive for is to always be growing and learning. And, maybe, to drink more water.

P.S. The best parenting advice I ever got, and the Grand Canyon trick for worriers.

(Photo of Joanna and Anton, 2013)